


honest

by bellowbacks



Series: Star Trek: Alternate Alternate Original Series [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mental Illness, Tarsus IV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 02:20:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13649424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellowbacks/pseuds/bellowbacks
Summary: Jim & Bones get to know each other a little better.





	honest

**Author's Note:**

> im finally posting the first chunk of my extended universe planned long term mckirk fic! 
> 
> this is nearing the end-ish of the timeline i have planned for this universe! there is at least one other oneshot that i have planned that takes place after this

“Hey Bones, can I take a look at that?” Jim asked, and Bones glanced up from his work to see what Jim was referring to. It was his work padd, the one that had access to everybody on the ship’s records and medical history. Bones hesitated for a second, but as captain, Jim had a right to look.

“Sure, just don’t look too deep in anybody’s specific medical files,” Bones said with a shrug and went back to work. He was writing up a lesson plan for a couple of seminars he was giving at the Academy next time they had an extended shore leave. It was a month away still, but he wanted to be prepared.

He was settled at his desk in Jim’s quarters with his personal padd sitting in front of him, a couple of his favorite medical reference books stacked beside him. His desk was organized, as usual, and he had a bottle of iced tea sitting at his elbow ready to get him through his work.

“Mind if I look at your file? This is interesting to see, there’s a lot about me in here I didn’t realize you had. Do you really have everything in all these memorized?” Jim asked, leaning his head over so Bones could easily turn just slightly to look at him.

“Everything about everyone, yep,” Bones said, nodded, and grabbed his tea, taking a sip as he spun in his seat to look at Jim where he was stretched out on their bed. “Yeah, you can look at my file.”

Jim smiled at him and tapped on the padd a few times before laughing. “The picture for you that they have on file, shit Bones,” he snorted and turned the padd around to show Bones, who sighed and turned back around.

“I’m well aware, and Chapel won’t let me change it. You’d think that since I’m Chief Medical Officer they’d let me mess with the medical files, especially my own, but guess not,” Bones said and pursed his lips as he tried to get back into what he was working on. He could hear Jim breathing and scrolling on the padd behind him, and that was a relaxing sound. It was just soft enough to not even register, but enough to keep Bones focused. 

Then, Jim’s breath caught. “Hey, Bones,” he said quietly, and Bones furrowed his brow before turning around.

“Hm?” he asked, and Jim just frowned at him. “What is it? I know everything in that file, nothing you say is gonna be that big a deal, Jim.”

“I didn’t know you were diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder,” Jim said and raised an eyebrow. He seemed tenser than before, which didn’t make sense. 

Bones stood up and walked over to the bed, laying down next to Jim. “Yeah, kid, I have OCD. So?” he asked, turning his head to face Jim, who had a confusing look in his eyes. “Why are you so bugged by this? It’s not a big deal.”

“I just- I didn’t know, I guess? How didn’t I notice? I thought I knew everything about you,” Jim said, still frowning, and Bones laughed out loud, his hands falling to his stomach.

“Jim, there’s no way you know everything about me,” he snorted. “There’s hundreds of things I could come up with that I’ve never told you.”

Jim rolled over, setting the padd off to the side of the bed, and put his head on the pillow right next to Bones. “Wanna tell me some of them, then? I’ll do one if you do one,” he said, the strange frown gone and replaced with a smile just prickling at the edge of his lips. 

Bones rolled onto his back again for a second, glancing over at his work. “Yeah, why not. I need a break,” he said and kicked off his shoes. “Well, you know I’m obsessive compulsive now, which by the way, is not something you ever need to worry about. It impacts my life, but I know it like the back of my hand, now,” he said as he adjusted and got comfortable, giving Jim a knowing look.

Jim nodded. “Well, I’m glad I know, anyways,” he said and touched Bones’ hand, which Bones turned until their palms were together and their fingers were intertwined. “Well… When I was 11 or 12, I stole my step-dad’s car and drove it off a cliff,” he said, smiling. 

Bones’ heart seemed to stop. “Off a cliff? What-” he managed, before Jim kissed him to make him stop.

“I jumped out, don’t worry,” he said when he pulled away. Bones narrowed his eyes. “I did!”

“Why’d you do that?” Bones asked and brushed his thumb over Jim’s briefly, holding on just a little tighter.

“I hated my step-dad,” Jim said and shrugged one shoulder slightly.

Bones felt a cold spear go through his middle. “Yeah?” he asked. Jim stared past Bones for a moment before answering.

“Yeah. He had a lot of rules, and enforced those rules with… A heavy hand,” Jim said. His voice was emotionless, and Bones frowned. 

“That explains a lot, hmm,” he responded, and Jim met his eyes again with a confused and vaguely offended turn to his lips. 

“Sorry?” he asked.

“Your medical records have quite a few visits to the local hospital. Broken ribs, a broken nose once, broken arm, bruises upon bruises… I get why, now. Figured you just got into a lot of fights, before,” Bones chuckled, not looking away from Jim’s eyes.

“That tool,” Jim said and dropped his eyes from Bones’ again. “I wrecked his car, so.”

Bones snorted, and then sobered up. “We’re… doin’ important stuff, right? Like… stuff that hurts to talk about?” he asked, and Jim raised an eyebrow silently. “I don’t wanna bring up something heavier than you want to talk about.”

“I know heavy, and I have some shit I could drop too, so go ahead,” Jim said and shrugged, moving a little closer to Bones. Their sock covered feet brushed.

“I killed my dad,” Bones managed with a weak shrug. Jim didn’t react right away, so Bones quickly continued. “He got sick, when I was young. We were in the hospital, he was in so much pain… He asked me to turn off his support system, and I did,” he said, quietly. Jim let go of his hand and reached up to touch his face.

“You were just doing what you thought was right, Bones. I get that, trust me, I do,” Jim said, and Bones shook his head. He felt numbness when he thought back on this event now, but he knew that was only to combat the intense guilt, pain, and sadness that lurked.

“No, Jim,” Bones said, paused, and then, “The cure was discovered a month later.”

Jim was silent, but his mouth hung open and his eyes had something like pity in them. “Bones… I’m sorry.”

“S’why I’m a doctor, now,” Bones shrugged and resettled so he was laying down better next to Jim, who rested his head on Bones’ shoulder and took his hand again. 

“I was on Tarsus IV,” Jim said once Bones was still again.

Bones couldn’t help it, he sucked in a sharp breath. 

“I was. I was one of the lucky ones, the strong young ones who Kodos thought could win, and help us rebuild after the fungus,” Jim said and squeezed Bones’ hand. “I spoke at his crew’s trial, afterwards. I was one of the kids who actually interacted with him. I nearly starved, still, even though he seemed to like me,” Jim said and laughed quietly, bitterly. His voice was unwavering, and Bones pulled him closer. 

“I had to read about that for Starfleet history, I had no idea,” Bones said softly. 

“I don’t tell anybody. You’re the first person who’s known since the trial.”

Something dawned on Bones, suddenly. “God- wait, is that the… the time you were taken to the hospital for all those symptoms of malnourishment? When you were like, seven?” he asked, and Jim nodded against his collarbone. 

“Yeah,” Jim said, and nothing else, leaving no room for further discussion. Bones struggled to find something that felt right to say after that, so he settled on something light.

“I was at the same bar as you the night Pike recruited you to go to the academy,” he said, and Jim shifted, looking up at Bones.

“Sorry, what?” Jim asked, a smile on his lips. Bones felt a surge of warmth in his chest, and he leaned forward to kiss him. Jim kissed back for a moment, but then pulled away. “Don’t distract me, what?”

Bones shrugged. “I was there. I saw you get your ass kicked, Pike wouldn’t let me through even though I was a doctor because I was… admittedly very drunk as well,” he said, and Jim laughed, a full body laugh that Bones could feel run through him. 

“That’s incredible. What are the odds,” Jim said with a wide smile on his face. 

“Pretty high. That was the only good bar within ten miles of Riverside,” Bones said with a similar smile, “and I needed a good bar.”

“Yeah, me too,” Jim said and laid his head back down on Bones’ shoulder. “Hmm…” 

“You don’t have to keep going if you don’t want to, kid,” Bones said and pressed his lips to the top of Jim’s head.

“I’ll do another,” Jim said, “I remember being dead.”

“I… Jim,” Bones said quietly, anxiety already rearing its ugly head deep in his chest.

“It’s okay,” Jim started, but Bones squeezed him, needing to hold him close and feel his heartbeat, his breathing.

“Maybe for you,” he said quietly. “You know what happened to me while you were… dead. I’m still paying for what I did then,” he said and gestured to his desk, where he was writing lesson plans. 

Jim shifted closer. Their entire bodies were pressed together now, Jim in sweats and one of Bones’ shirts that were just a little too big for him, and Bones in his uniform still from finishing his Alpha shift. 

“Can I tell you what I remember?” Jim asked quietly, and Bones hesitated briefly, but nodded. 

“Yeah, kid. Go ahead.”

“I remember it being dark, but every once in a while, I would hear your voice, or Pike’s, or my mom’s… I heard my dad’s voice, Bones, for the first time in person,” Jim said and pressed the side of his nose into Bones’ chest. Bones could feel his warm breath through his shirt. “Mostly yours. I needed yours the most.”

“Hmm... Darlin’,” Bones mumbled and pressed his lips into Jim’s hair. “I needed yours too.”

Bones could feel Jim smiling against his chest, and he smiled a little too. “You have me, now. Because you’re an incredible doctor who has made progress in leaps and bounds in so many fields. You beat death, Bones. You’re amazing,” Jim said, and Bones turned his head away with an eye roll.

“Just because you love me doesn’t mean you gotta talk me up. Beatin’ death isn’t a good thing, Jim,” Bones said. Jim’s hand brushed over Bones’ ribs, where his tattoo was. 

“You saved me, though.” Jim shrugged and closed his eyes. Bones took Jim’s hand in his and rested it over his heart, Jim’s against his chest and his against the back of Jim’s. 

“I did, and I don’t regret any of it,” Bones said quietly. “You know I would’ve given up my license for you, right, kid?” 

Jim hummed in acknowledgement. “I love you,” he mumbled into Bones’ chest. Bones realized he was falling asleep and chuckled.

“I love you too, Jim, but hang on a sec,” he said and maneuvered Jim off of him, half asleep. Jim blearily looked up at him and Bones turned away to strip out of his uniform. He pulled off his blue uniform shirt, his black undershirt, and his uniform pants, grabbed a clean t-shirt from their shared drawer, and then felt something hit his ass. 

“Hey!” he said and turned around to see Jim grinning and holding Bones’ tea bottle. He took a sip, and Bones looked down to see the cap sitting at his feet. He picked it up and threw it back at Jim who caught it, took another sip of tea, and screwed the cap back on. 

Bones shook his head and tugged his socks off before walking back over to the bed. 

“C’mere,” Jim said and reached up, using his other hand to set the tea on the bedside table. 

“Move over,” Bones smiled and got back in bed next to Jim, who pulled the sheets and their quilt up over them.

“Lights 0%,” Jim said, just loud enough for the room to hear. It did, and the lights dimmed down to nothing. He turned to face Bones and they got as close as they could without being uncomfortable or overheating. They knew each others’ bodies so well at this point that falling into bed together- whether to sleep, or to do any of the other things they do in bed- was easier than breathing.

Jim grabbed Bones’ face in the dark and pulled him in, kissing him. Bones smiled and kissed back, letting his eyes close, finally, after the long shift he had done that day. 

“Love you,” Jim mumbled against Bones’ lips, and Bones chuckled.

“You’re so sappy tonight, kid, what’s up?” he asked after pulling away. 

Jim shrugged. “Eh, I don’t know,” he said and nudged his nose into Bones’ neck. “I’m still surprised I didn’t know you have OCD. Don’t people with OCD normally… like… tap stuff? And function in threes?”

Bones laughed against the shell of Jim’s ear. “I’m the doctor here, Jim,” he said, and Jim huffed out a quiet laugh. “I do more of that than you realize, probably. I walk down the halls of the ship in a specific way, I wash my hands at every opportunity… A lot of things mentally that I never externalize,” Bones said quietly, closing his eyes. He intentionally never made anybody aware of his OCD, but it wasn’t like he hid it. 

“Our dorm…” Jim said quietly.

“My half of our dorm, you mean? Yeah, you always teased me for how organized I had to be before I could get anything done,” Bones said and pressed his lips to Jim’s head. “When you get hurt, it gets worse. I get very obsessive then.”

Jim pushed his face closer to Bones’ neck. “M’sorry,” he said, and Bones scoffed.

“It’s not your fault or anything. I’ve had it all my life, kid,” he said and shrugged his shoulders slightly. “I know myself. I’m almost forty.”

Jim didn’t respond, just let out another soft breath and ran his hand down Bones’ body until he could slide it under his shirt. Bones shivered, due to the air in the room being cooler than Jim’s warm hand. Jim ran his hand over Bones’ stomach to his ribcage and touched the spot where they both knew his tattoo was. 

“Night, Jim,” Bones mumbled, and Jim hummed something incomprehensible in return. Bones smiled as he fell asleep.


End file.
